1<?xml version="1.0"?> 2<!DOCTYPE package PUBLIC "+//ISBN 0-9673008-1-9//DTD OEB 1.0 Package//EN" 3 "http://openebook.org/dtds/oeb-1.0/oebdoc1.dtd"> 4<html> 5<head> 6<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/x-oeb1-document; charset=utf-8" /> 7<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/x-oeb1-css" href="devil.css" /> 8<title>The Devil’s Dictionary: Z</title> 9</head> 10<body lang="en-US"> 11 12 13<h1>Z</h1> 14 15<p class="entry"><span class="def">zany</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A popular 16character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the <i>buffone</i>, or clown, and was therefore the 17ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the 18play. The zany was progenitor to the specialist in humor, as we to-day have the 19unhappiness to know him. In the zany we see an example of creation; in the 20humorist, of transmission. Another excellent specimen of the modern zany is the 21curate, who apes the rector, who apes the bishop, who apes the archbishop, who 22apes the devil.</p> 23 24<p class="entry"><span class="def">Zanzibari</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An 25inhabitant of the Sultanate of Zanzibar, off the eastern coast of Africa. The 26Zanzibaris, a warlike people, are best known in this country through a 27threatening diplomatic incident that occurred a few years ago. The American 28consul at the capital occupied a dwelling that faced the sea, with a sandy 29beach between. Greatly to the scandal of this official’s family, and against 30repeated remonstrances of the official himself, the people of the city 31persisted in using the beach for bathing. One day a woman came down to the edge 32of the water and was stooping to remove her attire (a pair of sandals) when the 33consul, incensed beyond restraint, fired a charge of bird-shot into the most 34conspicuous part of her person. Unfortunately for the existing <i>entente cordiale</i> between two great 35nations, she was the Sultana.</p> 36 37<p class="entry"><span class="def">zeal</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A certain 38nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth 39before a sprawl.</p> 40 41<div class="poem"> 42<p class="poetry">When Zeal sought Gratitude for his reward<br /> 43He went away exclaiming: “O my Lord!”<br /> 44“What do you want?” the Lord asked, bending down.<br /> 45“An ointment for my cracked and bleeding crown.”</p> 46 47<p class="citeauth">Jum Coople</p> 48</div> 49 50<p class="entry"><span class="def">zenith</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The 51point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A 52man in bed or a cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith, though 53from this view of the matter there was once a considerably dissent among the 54learned, some holding that the posture of the body was immaterial. These were 55called Horizontalists, their opponents, Verticalists. The Horizontalist heresy 56was finally extinguished by Xanobus, the philosopher-king of Abara, a zealous 57Verticalist. Entering an assembly of philosophers who were debating the matter, 58he cast a severed human head at the feet of his opponents and asked them to 59determine its zenith, explaining that its body was hanging by the heels 60outside. Observing that it was the head of their leader, the Horizontalists 61hastened to profess themselves converted to whatever opinion the Crown might be 62pleased to hold, and Horizontalism took its place among <i>fides defuncti</i>.</p> 63 64<p class="entry"><span class="def">Zeus</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The chief 65of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as 66God, Gold, Mob and Dog. Some explorers who have touched upon the shores of 67America, and one who professes to have penetrated a considerable distance to 68the interior, have thought that these four names stand for as many distinct 69deities, but in his monumental work on Surviving Faiths, Frumpp insists that 70the natives are monotheists, each having no other god than himself, whom he 71worships under many sacred names.</p> 72 73<p class="entry"><span class="def">zigzag</span>, <span class="pos">v.t.</span> To 74move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man’s 75burden. (From <i>zed</i>, <i>z</i>, and <i>jag</i>, 76an Icelandic word of unknown meaning.)</p> 77 78<div class="poem"> 79<p class="poetry">He zedjagged so uncomen wyde<br /> 80Thet non coude pas on eyder syde;<br /> 81So, to com saufly thruh, I been<br /> 82Constreynet for to doodge betwene.</p> 83 84<p class="citeauth">Munwele</p> 85</div> 86 87<p class="entry"><span class="def">zoology</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The science 88and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly (<i>Musca 89maledicta</i>). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, 90but the name of its mother has not come down to us. Two of the science’s most 91illustrious expounders were Buffon and Oliver Goldsmith, from both of whom we 92learn (<i>L’Histoire generale des animaux</i> and <i>A History of Animated Nature</i>) 93that the domestic cow sheds its horn every two years.</p> 94 95</body> 96</html>