1<?xml version="1.0"?> 2<!DOCTYPE package PUBLIC "+//ISBN 0-9673008-1-9//DTD OEB 1.0 Package//EN" 3 "http://openebook.org/dtds/oeb-1.0/oebdoc1.dtd"> 4<html> 5<head> 6<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/x-oeb1-document; charset=utf-8" /> 7<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/x-oeb1-css" href="devil.css" /> 8<title>The Devil’s Dictionary: V</title> 9</head> 10<body lang="en-US"> 11 12 13<h1>V</h1> 14 15<p class="entry"><span class="def">valor</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A 16soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler’s hope.</p> 17 18<p>“Why have you halted?” roared the commander of a division and Chickamauga, who had ordered a 19charge; “move forward, sir, at once.”</p> 20 21<p>“General,” said the commander of the delinquent brigade, “I am persuaded that any further 22display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.”</p> 23 24<p class="entry"><span class="def">vanity</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The 25tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.</p> 26 27<div class="poem"> 28<p class="poetry">They say that hens do cackle loudest when<br /> 29There’s nothing vital in the eggs they’ve laid;<br /> 30And there are hens, professing to have made<br /> 31A study of mankind, who say that men<br /> 32Whose business ‘tis to drive the tongue or pen<br /> 33Make the most clamorous fanfaronade<br /> 34O’er their most worthless work; and I’m afraid<br /> 35They’re not entirely different from the hen.<br /> 36Lo! the drum-major in his coat of gold,<br /> 37His blazing breeches and high-towering cap—<br /> 38Imperiously pompous, grandly bold,<br /> 39Grim, resolute, an awe-inspiring chap!<br /> 40Who’d think this gorgeous creature’s only virtue Is that in 41battle he will never hurt you?</p> 42 43<p class="citeauth">Hannibal Hunsiker</p> 44</div> 45 46<p class="entry"><span class="def">virtues</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span>pl. Certain 47abstentions.</p> 48 49<p class="entry"><span class="def">vituperation</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Saite, 50as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.</p> 51 52<p class="entry"><span class="def">vote</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The 53instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a 54wreck of his country.</p> 55 56</body> 57</html>