1<?xml version="1.0"?> 2<!DOCTYPE package PUBLIC "+//ISBN 0-9673008-1-9//DTD OEB 1.0 Package//EN" 3 "http://openebook.org/dtds/oeb-1.0/oebdoc1.dtd"> 4<html> 5<head> 6<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/x-oeb1-document; charset=utf-8" /> 7<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/x-oeb1-css" href="devil.css" /> 8<title>The Devil’s Dictionary: N</title> 9</head> 10<body lang="en-US"> 11 12 13<h1>N</h1> 14 15<p class="entry"><span class="def">nectar</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A drink 16served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of its preparation is 17lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a 18knowledge of its chief ingredient.</p> 19 20<div class="poem"> 21<p class="poetry">Juno drank a cup of nectar,</p> 22<p class="poetry">But the draught did not affect her.</p> 23<p class="poetry">Juno drank a cup of rye—</p> 24<p class="poetry">Then she bad herself good-bye.</p> 25<p class="citeauth">J. G.</p> 26</div> 27 28<p class="entry"><span class="def">negro</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The <i>piece de resistance</i> in the American 29political problem. Representing him by the letter n, the Republicans begin to 30build their equation thus: “Let n = the white man.” This, however, appears to 31give an unsatisfactory solution.</p> 32 33<p class="entry"><span class="def">neighbor</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> One 34whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to 35make us disobedient.</p> 36 37<p class="entry"><span class="def">nepotism</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Appointing 38your grandmother to office for the good of the party.</p> 39 40<p class="entry"><span class="def">Newtonian</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> Pertaining 41to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an 42apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and 43disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.</p> 44 45<p class="entry"><span class="def">nihilist</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A 46Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the 47school is Tolstoi.</p> 48 49<p class="entry"><span class="def">Nirvana</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> In the 50Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilation awarded to the wise, 51particularly to those wise enough to understand it.</p> 52 53<p class="entry"><span class="def">nobleman</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Nature’s 54provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and 55suffer high life.</p> 56 57<p class="entry"><span class="def">noise</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A stench 58in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of 59civilization.</p> 60 61<p class="entry"><span class="def">nominate</span>, <span class="pos">v.</span> To 62designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable 63person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.</p> 64 65<p class="entry"><span class="def">nominee</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A 66modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently 67seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.</p> 68 69<p class="entry"><span class="def">non-combatant</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A 70dead Quaker.</p> 71 72<p class="entry"><span class="def">nonsense</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The 73objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.</p> 74 75<p class="entry"><span class="def">nose</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The 76extreme outpost of the face. From the circumstance that great conquerors have 77great noses, Getius, whose writings antedate the age of humor, calls the nose 78the organ of quell. It has been observed that one’s nose is never so happy as 79when thrust into the affairs of others, from which some physiologists have 80drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.</p> 81 82<div class="poem"> 83<p class="poetry">There’s a man with a Nose,</p> 84<p class="poetry">And wherever he goes</p> 85<p class="poetry">The people run from him and shout:</p> 86<p class="poetry">“No cotton have we</p> 87<p class="poetry">For our ears if so be</p> 88<p class="poetry">He blow that interminous snout!”</p> 89<p class="poetry">So the lawyers applied</p> 90<p class="poetry">For injunction. “Denied,”</p> 91<p class="poetry">Said the Judge: “the defendant prefixion,</p> 92<p class="poetry">Whate’er it portend,</p> 93<p class="poetry">Appears to transcend</p> 94<p class="poetry">The bounds of this court’s jurisdiction.”</p> 95<p class="citeauth">Arpad Singiny</p> 96</div> 97 98<p class="entry"><span class="def">notoriety</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The 99fame of one’s competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible 100and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob’s-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, 101with angels ascending and descending.</p> 102 103<p class="entry"><span class="def">noumenon</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> That 104which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the 105latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be 106apprehended only be a process of reasoning—which is a phenomenon. Nevertheless, 107the discovery and exposition of noumena offer a rich field for what Lewes calls 108“the endless variety and excitement of philosophic thought.” Hurrah (therefore) 109for the noumenon!</p> 110 111<p class="entry"><span class="def">novel</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A short 112story padded. A species of composition bearing the same relation to literature 113that the panorama bears to art. As it is too long to be read at a sitting the 114impressions made by its successive parts are successively effaced, as in the 115panorama. Unity, totality of effect, is impossible; for besides the few pages 116last read all that is carried in mind is the mere plot of what has gone before. 117To the romance the novel is what photography is to painting. Its distinguishing 118principle, probability, corresponds to the literal actuality of the photograph 119and puts it distinctly into the category of reporting; whereas the free wing of 120the romancer enables him to mount to such altitudes of imagination as he may be 121fitted to attain; and the first three essentials of the literary art are 122imagination, imagination and imagination. The art of writing novels, such as it 123was, is long dead everywhere except in Russia, where it is new. Peace to its 124ashes—some of which have a large sale.</p> 125 126<p class="entry"><span class="def">November</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The 127eleventh twelfth of a weariness.</p> 128 129</body> 130</html>