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<h1>M</h1>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mace</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A staff
of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its
original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">machination</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
method employed by one’s opponents in baffling one’s open and honorable efforts
to do the right thing.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">So plain the advantages of machination</p>
<p class="poetry">It constitutes a moral obligation,</p>
<p class="poetry">And honest wolves who think upon’t with loathing</p>
<p class="poetry">Feel bound to don the sheep’s deceptive clothing.</p>
<p class="poetry">So prospers still the diplomatic art,</p>
<p class="poetry">And Satan bows, with hand upon his heart.</p>
<p class="citeauth">R. S. K.</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">macrobian</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> One
forgotten of the gods and living to a great age. History is abundantly supplied
with examples, from Methuselah to Old Parr, but some notable instances of
longevity are less well known. A Calabrian peasant named Coloni, born in 1753,
lived so long that he had what he considered a glimpse of the dawn of universal
peace. Scanavius relates that he knew an archbishop who was so old that he
could remember a time when he did not deserve hanging. In 1566 a linen draper
of Bristol, England, declared that he had lived five hundred years, and that in
all that time he had never told a lie. There are instances of longevity
(<i>macrobiosis</i>) in our own country. Senator Chauncey Depew is old enough to
know better. The editor of <i>The American</i>,
a newspaper in New York City, has a memory that goes back to the time when he
was a rascal, but not to the fact. The President of the United States was born
so long ago that many of the friends of his youth have risen to high political
and military preferment without the assistance of personal merit. The verses
following were written by a macrobian:</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">When I was young the world was fair</p>
<p class="poetry">And amiable and sunny.</p>
<p class="poetry">A brightness was in all the air,</p>
<p class="poetry">In all the waters, honey.</p>
<p class="poetry">The jokes were fine and funny,</p>
<p class="poetry">The statesmen honest in their views,</p>
<p class="poetry">And in their lives, as well,</p>
<p class="poetry">And when you heard a bit of news</p>
<p class="poetry">‘Twas true enough to tell.</p>
<p class="poetry">Men were not ranting, shouting, reeking,</p>
<p class="poetry">Nor women “generally speaking.”</p>
<p class="poetry">The Summer then was long indeed:</p>
<p class="poetry">It lasted one whole season!</p>
<p class="poetry">The sparkling Winter gave no heed</p>
<p class="poetry">When ordered by Unreason</p>
<p class="poetry">To bring the early peas on.</p>
<p class="poetry">Now, where the dickens is the sense</p>
<p class="poetry"> In calling that a year</p>
<p class="poetry">Which does no more than just commence</p>
<p class="poetry">Before the end is near?</p>
<p class="poetry">When I was young the year extended</p>
<p class="poetry">From month to month until it ended.</p>
<p class="poetry">I know not why the world has changed</p>
<p class="poetry">To something dark and dreary,</p>
<p class="poetry">And everything is now arranged</p>
<p class="poetry">To make a fellow weary.</p>
<p class="poetry">The Weather Man—I fear he</p>
<p class="poetry">Has much to do with it, for, sure,</p>
<p class="poetry">The air is not the same:</p>
<p class="poetry">It chokes you when it is impure,</p>
<p class="poetry">When pure it makes you lame.</p>
<p class="poetry">With windows closed you are asthmatic;</p>
<p class="poetry">Open, neuralgic or sciatic.</p>
<p class="poetry">Well, I suppose this new regime</p>
<p class="poetry">Of dun degeneration</p>
<p class="poetry">Seems eviler than it would seem</p>
<p class="poetry">To a better observation,</p>
<p class="poetry">And has for compensation</p>
<p class="poetry">Some blessings in a deep disguise</p>
<p class="poetry">Which mortal sight has failed</p>
<p class="poetry">To pierce, although to angels’ eyes</p>
<p class="poetry">They’re visible unveiled.</p>
<p class="poetry">If Age is such a boon, good land!</p>
<p class="poetry">He’s costumed by a master hand!</p>
<p class="citeauth">Venable Strigg</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mad</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> Affected
with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of
thought, speech and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves;
at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are
pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that themselves are sane. For
illustration, this present (and illustrious) lexicographer is no firmer in the
faith of his own sanity than is any inmate of any madhouse in the land; yet for
aught he knows to the contrary, instead of the lofty occupation that seems to
him to be engaging his powers he may really be beating his hands against the
window bars of an asylum and declaring himself Noah Webster, to the innocent
delight of many thoughtless spectators.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">Magdalene</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An
inhabitant of Magdala. Popularly, a woman found out. This definition of the
word has the authority of ignorance, Mary of Magdala being another person than
the penitent woman mentioned by St. Luke. It has also the official sanction of
the governments of Great Britain and the United States. In England the word is
pronounced Maudlin, whence maudlin, adjective, unpleasantly sentimental. With
their Maudlin for Magdalene, and their Bedlam for Bethlehem, the English may
justly boast themselves the greatest of revisers.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">magic</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An art
of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same
high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">magnet</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Something
acted upon by magnetism.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">magnetism</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Something
acting upon a magnet.</p>

<p class="indentpara">The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand
eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light,
to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">magnificient</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> Having
a grandeur or splendor superior to that to which the spectator is accustomed,
as the ears of an ass, to a rabbit, or the glory of a glowworm, to a maggot.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">magnitude</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Size.
Magnitude being purely relative, nothing is large and nothing small. If
everything in the universe were increased in bulk one thousand diameters
nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain
unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been. To an
understanding familiar with the relativity of magnitude and distance the spaces
and masses of the astronomer would be no more impressive than those of the
microscopist. For anything we know to the contrary, the visible universe may be
a small part of an atom, with its component ions, floating in the life- fluid
(luminiferous ether) of some animal. Possibly the wee creatures peopling the
corpuscles of our own blood are overcome with the proper emotion when
contemplating the unthinkable distance from one of these to another.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">magpie</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A bird
whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">maiden</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A young
person of the unfair sex addicted to clewless conduct and views that madden to
crime. The genus has a wide geographical distribution, being found wherever
sought and deplored wherever found. The maiden is not altogether unpleasing to
the eye, nor (without her piano and her views) insupportable to the ear, though
in respect to comeliness distinctly inferior to the rainbow, and, with regard
to the part of her that is audible, bleating out of the field by the
canary—which, also, is more portable.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">A lovelorn maiden she sat and sang—</p>
<p class="poetry">This quaint, sweet song sang she;</p>
<p class="poetry">“It’s O for a youth with a football bang</p>
<p class="poetry">And a muscle fair to see!</p>
<p class="poetry">The Captain he</p>
<p class="poetry">Of a team to be!</p>
<p class="poetry">On the gridiron he shall shine,</p>
<p class="poetry">A monarch by right divine,</p>
<p class="poetry">And never to roast on it—me!”</p>
<p class="citeauth">Opoline Jones</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">majesty</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent
Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of
the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.</p>

<p id="male" class="entry"><span class="def">male</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A member
of the unconsidered, or negligible sex. The male of the human race is commonly
known (to the female) as Mere Man. The genus has two varieties: good providers
and bad providers.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">malefactor</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
chief factor in the progress of the human race.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">malthusian</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> Pertaining
to Malthus and his doctrines. Malthus believed in artificially limiting
population, but found that it could not be done by talking. One of the most
practical exponents of the Malthusian idea was Herod of Judea, though all the
famous soldiers have been of the same way of thinking.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mammalia</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span>pl. A
family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their
young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">Mammon</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The god
of the world’s leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">He swore that all other religions were</p>
<p class="poetry">gammon, And wore out his knees in the worship of Mammon.</p>
<p class="citeauth">Jared Oopf</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">man</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An animal
so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what
he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other
animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent
rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earh and Canada.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">When the world was young and Man was new,</p>
<p class="poetry">And everything was pleasant,</p>
<p class="poetry">Distinctions Nature never drew</p>
<p class="poetry">‘Mongst kings and priest and peasant.</p>
<p class="poetry">We’re not that way at present,</p>
<p class="poetry">Save here in this Republic, where</p>
<p class="poetry">We have that old regime,</p>
<p class="poetry">For all are kings, however bare</p>
<p class="poetry">Their backs, howe’er extreme</p>
<p class="poetry">Their hunger. And, indeed, each has a voice</p>
<p class="poetry">To accept the tyrant of his party’s choice.</p>
<p class="poetry">A citizen who would not vote,</p>
<p class="poetry">And, therefore, was detested,</p>
<p class="poetry">Was one day with a tarry coat</p>
<p class="poetry">(With feathers backed and breasted)</p>
<p class="poetry">By patriots invested.</p>
<p class="poetry">“It is your duty,” cried the crowd,</p>
<p class="poetry">“Your ballot true to cast</p>
<p class="poetry">For the man o’ your choice.” He humbly bowed,</p>
<p class="poetry">And explained his wicked past:</p>
<p class="poetry">“That’s what I very gladly would have done, Dear patriots, but he has never run.”</p>
<p class="citeauth">Apperton Duke</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">manes</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
immortal parts of dead Greeks and Romans. They were in a state of dull
discomfort until the bodies from which they had exhaled were buried and burned;
and they seem not to have been particularly happy afterward.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">Manicheism</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When
Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">Manna</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A food
miraculously given to the Israelites in the wilderness. When it was no longer
supplied to them they settled down and tilled the soil, fertilizing it, as a
rule, with the bodies of the original occupants.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">marriage</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two
slaves, making in all, two.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">martyr</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> One who
moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">material</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> Having
an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">Material things I know, or fell, or see;</p>
<p class="poetry">All else is immaterial to me.</p>
<p class="citeauth">Jamrach Holobom</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mausoleum</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
final and funniest folly of the rich.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mayonnaise</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> One
of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">me,</span> <span class="pos">pro.</span> The
objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the
dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">meander</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> To
proceed sinuously and aimlessly. The word is the ancient name of a river about
one hundred and fifty miles south of Troy, which turned and twisted in the
effort to get out of hearing when the Greeks and Trojans boasted of their prowess.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">medal</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A small
metal disk given as a reward for virtues, attainments or services more or less
authentic.</p>

<p class="indentpara">It is related of Bismark, who had been awarded a medal for gallantly rescuing a drowning person,
that, being asked the meaning of the medal, he replied: “I save lives
sometimes.” And sometimes he didn’t.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">medicine</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A stone
flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">meekness</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Uncommon
patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">M is for Moses,</p>
<p class="poetry">Who slew the Egyptian.</p>
<p class="poetry">As sweet as a rose is</p>
<p class="poetry">The meekness of Moses.</p>
<p class="poetry">No monument shows his</p>
<p class="poetry">Post-mortem inscription,</p>
<p class="poetry">But M is for Moses</p>
<p class="poetry">Who slew the Egyptian.</p>
<p class="citeauth"><i>The Biographical Alphabet</i></p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">meerschaum</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> (Literally,
seafoam, and by many erroneously supposed to be made of it.) A fine white clay,
which for convenience in coloring it brown is made into tobacco pipes and smoked
by the workmen engaged in that industry. The purpose of coloring it has not
been disclosed by the manufacturers.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">There was a youth (you’ve heard before,</p>
<p class="poetry">This woeful tale, may be),</p>
<p class="poetry">Who bought a meerschaum pipe and swore</p>
<p class="poetry">That color it would he!</p>
<p class="poetry">He shut himself from the world away,</p>
<p class="poetry">Nor any soul he saw.</p>
<p class="poetry">He smoke by night, he smoked by day,</p>
<p class="poetry">As hard as he could draw.</p>
<p class="poetry">His dog died moaning in the wrath</p>
<p class="poetry">Of winds that blew aloof;</p>
<p class="poetry">The weeds were in the gravel path,</p>
<p class="poetry">The owl was on the roof.</p>
<p class="poetry">“He’s gone afar, he’ll come no more,”</p>
<p class="poetry">The neighbors sadly say.</p>
<p class="poetry">And so they batter in the door</p>
<p class="poetry">To take his goods away.</p>
<p class="poetry">Dead, pipe in mouth, the youngster lay,</p>
<p class="poetry">Nut-brown in face and limb.</p>
<p class="poetry">“That pipe’s a lovely white,” they say,</p>
<p class="poetry">“But it has colored him!”</p>
<p class="poetry">The moral there’s small need to sing—</p>
<p class="poetry">‘Tis plain as day to you:</p>
<p class="poetry">Don’t play your game on any thing</p>
<p class="poetry">That is a gamester too.</p>
<p class="citeauth">Martin Bulstrode</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mendacious</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> Addicted to rhetoric.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">merchant</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> One
engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing
pursued is a dollar.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mercy</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An
attribute beloved of detected offenders.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mesmerism</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Hypnotism
before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">metropolis</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
stronghold of provincialism.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">millennium</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers on the under side.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mind</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in
the endeavor to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due
to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with. From the Latin <i>mens</i>, a fact unknown to that honest
shoe-seller, who, observing that his learned competitor over the way had
displayed the motto “<i>Mens conscia recti</i>,” emblazoned his own front with the
words “Men’s, women’s and children’s conscia recti.”</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mine</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> Belonging
to me if I can hold or seize it.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">minister</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An
agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility. In diplomacy and officer
sent into a foreign country as the visible embodiment of his sovereign’s
hostility. His principal qualification is a degree of plausible inveracity next
below that of an ambassador.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">minor</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> Less
objectionable.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">minstrel</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> Formerly
a poet, singer or musician; now a nigger with a color less than skin deep and a
humor more than flesh and blood can bear.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">miracle</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An act
or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand
of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">miscreant</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means
unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology’s noblest
contribution to the development of our language.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">misdemeanor</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An
infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no
claim to admittance into the best criminal society.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">By misdemeanors he essays to climb</p>
<p class="poetry">Into the aristocracy of crime.</p>
<p class="poetry">O, woe was him!&#8212;with manner chill and grand “Captains of industry” refused his hand, “Kings of
finance” denied him recognition And “railway magnates” jeered his low
condition. He robbed a bank to make himself respected.</p>
<p class="poetry">They still rebuffed him, for he was detected.</p>
<p class="citeauth">S. V. Hanipur</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">misericorde</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an
unhorsed knight that he was mortal.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">misfortune</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
kind of fortune that never misses.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">miss</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The title
with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss,
Missis (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words
in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other
of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they
miraculously escaped to plague us. If we must have them let us be consistent
and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to
Mh.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">molecule</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle,
also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a closer resemblance to the
atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. Three great scientific
theories of the structure of the universe are the molecular, the corpuscular
and the atomic. A fourth affirms, with Haeckel, the condensation of
precipitation of matter from ether—whose existence is proved by the
condensation of precipitation. The present trend of scientific thought is
toward the theory of ions. The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and
the atom in that it is an ion. A fifth theory is held by idiots, but it is
doubtful if they know any more about the matter than the others.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">monad</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. (See <i>Molecule</i>.)
According to Leibnitz, as nearly as he seems willing to be understood, the
monad has body without bulk, and mind without manifestation—Leibnitz knows him
by the innate power of considering. He has founded upon him a theory of the
universe, which the creature bears without resentment, for the monad is a
gentlmean. Small as he is, the monad contains all the powers and possibilities
needful to his evolution into a German philosopher of the first class&#8212;
altogether a very capable little fellow. He is not to be confounded with the
microbe, or bacillus; by its inability to discern him, a good microscope shows
him to be of an entirely distinct species.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">monarch</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of
the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion to learn. In Russia
and the Orient the monarch has still a considerable influence in public affairs
and in the disposition of the human head, but in western Europe political
administration is mostly entrusted to his ministers, he being somewhat
preoccupied with reflections relating to the status of his own head.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">monarchical government</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Government.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">Monday</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> In
Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">money</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. An
evidence of culture and a passport to polite society. Supportable property.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">monkey</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An
arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">monosyllabic</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span>
Composed of words of one syllable, for literary babes who never tire of
testifying their delight in the vapid compound by appropriate googoogling. The
words are commonly Saxon—that is to say, words of a barbarous people destitute
of ideas and incapable of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">The man who writes in Saxon</p>
<p class="poetry">Is the man to use an ax on</p>
<p class="citeauth">Judibras</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">monsignor</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">monument</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration
or cannot be commemorated.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">The bones of Agammemnon are a show,</p>
<p class="poetry">And ruined is his royal monument,</p>
<p class="poetry">but Agammemnon’s
fame suffers no diminution in consequence. The monument custom has its <i>reductiones ad absurdum</i> in monuments “to
the unknown dead”—that is to say, monuments to perpetuate the memory of those
who have left no memory.</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">moral</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> Conforming
to a local and mutable standard of right. </p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">Having the quality of general expediency.</p>
<p class="poetry">It is sayd there
be a raunge of mountaynes in the Easte, on one syde of the which certayn
conducts are immorall, yet on the other syde they are holden in good esteeme;
wherebye the mountayneer is much conveenyenced, for it is given to him to goe
downe eyther way and act as it shall suite his moode, withouten offence.</p>
<p class="citeauth"><i>Gooke’s Meditations</i></p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">more</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> The
comparative degree of too much.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mouse</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An
animal which strews its path with fainting women. As in Rome Christians were
thrown to the lions, so centuries earlier in Otumwee, the most ancient and
famous city of the world, female heretics were thrown to the mice. Jakak-Zotp,
the historian, the only Otumwump whose writings have descended to us, says that
these martyrs met their death with little dignity and much exertion. He even
attempts to exculpate the mice (such is the malice of bigotry) by declaring
that the unfortunate women perished, some from exhaustion, some of broken necks
from falling over their own feet, and some from lack of restoratives. The mice,
he avers, enjoyed the pleasures of the chase with composure. But if “Roman
history is nine-tenths lying,” we can hardly expect a smaller proportion of
that rhetorical figure in the annals of a people capable of so incredible
cruelty to a lovely women; for a hard heart has a false tongue.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mousquetaire</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
long glove covering a part of the arm. Worn in New Jersey. But “mousquetaire”
is a might poor way to spell muskeeter.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mouth</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> In man,
the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mugwump</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> In
politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of
independence. A term of contempt.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mulatto</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
child of two races, ashamed of both.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">multitude</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of
the statesman’s adoration. “In a multitude of consellors there is wisdom,”
saith the proverb. If many men of equal individual wisdom are wiser than any
one of them, it must be that they acquire the excess of wisdom by the mere act
of getting together. Whence comes it? Obviously from nowhere—as well say that a
range of mountains is higher than the single mountains composing it. A
multitude is as wise as its wisest member if it obey him; if not, it is no
wiser than its most foolish.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mummy</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An
ancient Egyptian, formerly in universal use among modern civilized nations as
medicine, and now engaged in supplying art with an excellent pigment. He is
handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to
distinguish man from the lower animals.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">By means of the
Mummy, mankind, it is said, Attests to the gods its respect for the dead. We
plunder his tomb, be he sinner or saint, Distil him for physic and grind him
for paint, Exhibit for money his poor, shrunken frame, And with levity flock to
the scene of the shame.</p>
<p class="poetry">O, tell me, ye gods, for the use of my rhyme:</p>
<p class="poetry">For respecting the dead what’s the limit of time?</p>
<p class="citeauth">Scopas Brune</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mustang</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An
indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of
an English nobleman.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">myrmidon</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
follower of Achilles—particularly when he didn’t lead.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">mythology</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history,
heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it
invents later.</p>

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