1<?xml version="1.0"?> 2<!DOCTYPE package PUBLIC "+//ISBN 0-9673008-1-9//DTD OEB 1.0 Package//EN" 3 "http://openebook.org/dtds/oeb-1.0/oebdoc1.dtd"> 4<html> 5<head> 6<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/x-oeb1-document; charset=utf-8" /> 7<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/x-oeb1-css" href="devil.css" /> 8<title>The Devil’s Dictionary: J</title> 9</head> 10<body lang="en-US"> 11 12<h1>J</h1> 13 14<p class="firstpara">J is a consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel—than which nothing could be more 15absurd. Its original form, which has been but slightly modified, was that of 16the tail of a subdued dog, and it was not a letter but a character, standing 17for a Latin verb, <i>jacere</i>, “to throw,” because when a stone is thrown at a dog the dog’s tail assumes that 18shape. This is the origin of the letter, as expounded by the renowned Dr. 19Jocolpus Bumer, of the University of Belgrade, who established his conclusions 20on the subject in a work of three quarto volumes and committed suicide on being 21reminded that the j in the Roman alphabet had originally no curl.</p> 22 23<p class="entry"><span class="def">jealous</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> Unduly 24concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.</p> 25 26<p class="entry"><span class="def">jester</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An 27officer formerly attached to a king’s household, whose business it was to amuse 28the court by ludicrous actions and utterances, the absurdity being attested by 29his motley costume. The king himself being attired with dignity, it took the 30world some centuries to discover that his own conduct and decrees were 31sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all 32mankind. The jester was commonly called a fool, but the poets and romancers have 33ever delighted to represent him as a singularly wise and witty person. In the 34circus of to-day the melancholy ghost of the court fool effects the dejection 35of humbler audiences with the same jests wherewith in life he gloomed the 36marble hall, panged the patrician sense of humor and tapped the tank of royal tears.</p> 37 38<div class="poem"> 39<p class="poetry">The widow-queen of Portugal</p> 40<p class="poetry">Had an audacious jester</p> 41<p class="poetry">Who entered the confessional</p> 42<p class="poetry">Disguised, and there confessed her.</p> 43<p class="poetry">“Father,” she said, “thine ear bend down—</p> 44<p class="poetry">My sins are more than scarlet:</p> 45<p class="poetry">I love my fool—blaspheming clown,</p> 46<p class="poetry">And common, base-born varlet.”</p> 47<p class="poetry">“Daughter,” the mimic priest replied,</p> 48<p class="poetry">“That sin, indeed, is awful:</p> 49<p class="poetry">The church’s pardon is denied</p> 50<p class="poetry"> To love that is unlawful.</p> 51<p class="poetry">“But since thy stubborn heart will be</p> 52<p class="poetry">For him forever pleading,</p> 53<p class="poetry">Thou’dst better make him, by decree,</p> 54<p class="poetry">A man of birth and breeding.”</p> 55<p class="poetry">She made the fool a duke, in hope</p> 56<p class="poetry">With Heaven’s taboo to palter;</p> 57<p class="poetry">Then told a priest, who told the Pope,</p> 58<p class="poetry">Who damned her from the altar!</p> 59<p class="citeauth">Barel Dort</p> 60</div> 61 62<p class="entry"><span class="def">Jews-harp</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An 63unmusical instrument, played by holding it fast with the teeth and trying to brush it away with the finger.</p> 64 65<p class="entry"><span class="def">Joss-sticks</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Small 66sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.</p> 67 68<p class="entry"><span class="def">justice</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A 69commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the 70citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.</p> 71 72 73</body> 74</html>