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<title>The Devil&rsquo;s Dictionary: A</title>
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<h1>A</h1>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">abasement,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A decent and customary
mental attitude in the presence of wealth of power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing
an employer.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">abatis,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> Rubbish in front of a fort,
to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.</p>

<p class="entry" id="abdication"><span class="def">abdication,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An act
whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the throne.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">Poor Isabella&rsquo;s Dead, whose abdication</p>
<p class="po">Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation.</p>
<p class="po">For that performance &rsquo;twere unfair to scold her:</p>
<p class="po">She wisely left a throne too hot to hold her.</p>
<p class="po">To History she&rsquo;ll be no royal riddle&mdash;</p>
<p class="po">Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddle.</p>
<p class="citepoet">G. J.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">abdomen,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The temple of the god
Stomach, in whose worship, with sacrificial rights, all true men engage. From women this ancient faith commands but a
stammering assent. They sometimes minister at the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence
for the one deity that men really adore they know not. If woman had a free hand in the world&rsquo;s
marketing the race would become graminivorous.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">ability,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The natural equipment to accomplish
some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is commonly
found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Perhaps, however, this impressive quality is
rightly appraised; it is no easy task to be solemn.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">abnormal,</span> <span class="pos">adj.</span> Not conforming to
standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to
be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter resemblance of the
Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death
and the hope of Hell.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">aboriginies,</span>  <span class="pos">n.</span> Persons of little worth found
cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.</p>

<p class="entry" id="abracadabra"><span class="def">abracadabra.</span></p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">By <i>Abracadabra</i> we signify<br />
<span class="ind1">An infinite number of things.</span><br />
&rsquo;Tis the answer to What? and How? and Why?<br />
And Whence? and Whither?&mdash;a word whereby<br />
<span class="ind1">The Truth (with the comfort it brings)</span><br />
Is open to all who grope in night,<br />
Crying for Wisdom&rsquo;s holy light.</p>
</div>

<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">Whether the word is a verb or a noun<br />
<span class="ind1">Is knowledge beyond my reach.</span><br />
I only know that &rsquo;tis handed down.<br />
<span class="ind3">From sage to sage,</span><br />
<span class="ind3">From age to age&mdash;</span><br />
<span class="ind1">An immortal part of speech!</span></p>
</div>

<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">Of an ancient man the tale is told<br />
That he lived to be ten centuries old,<br />
<span class="ind1">In a cave on a mountain side.</span><br />
<span class="ind1">(True, he finally died.)</span><br />
The fame of his wisdom filled the land,<br />
For his head was bald, and you&rsquo;ll understand<br />
<span class="ind1">His beard was long and white</span><br />
<span class="ind1">And his eyes uncommonly bright.</span></p>
</div>

<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">Philosophers gathered from far and near<br />
To sit at his feat and hear and hear,<br />
<span class="ind3">Though he never was heard</span><br />
<span class="ind3">To utter a word</span><br />
<span class="ind1">But &ldquo;<i>Abracadabra</i>, abracadab,</span><br />
<span class="ind3">Abracada, abracad,</span><br />
<span class="ind1">Abraca, abrac, abra, ab!&rdquo;</span><br />
<span class="ind3">&rsquo;Twas all he had,</span><br />
&rsquo;Twas all they wanted to hear, and each<br />
Made copious notes of the mystical speech,<br />
<span class="ind3">Which they published next&mdash;</span><br />
<span class="ind3">A trickle of text</span><br />
In the meadow of commentary.<br />
<span class="ind1">Mighty big books were these,</span><br />
<span class="ind1">In a number, as leaves of trees;</span><br />
In learning, remarkably&mdash;very!</p>
</div>

<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem"><span class="ind3">He&rsquo;s dead,</span><br />
<span class="ind3">As I said,</span><br />
And the books of the sages have perished,<br />
But his wisdom is sacredly cherished.<br />
In <i>Abracadabra</i> it solemnly rings,<br />
Like an ancient bell that forever swings.<br />
<span class="poind3">O, I love to hear</span><br />
<span class="poind3">That word make clear</span><br />
Humanity&rsquo;s General Sense of Things.</p>
<p class="citepoet">Jamrach Holobom.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">abridge,</span> <span class="pos">v.t.</span> To shorten.</p>

<p class="quote">When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for people to abridge their
king, a decent respect for the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the
causes which impel them to the separation.&mdash;<i>Oliver Cromwell</i></p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">abrupt,</span> <span class="pos">adj.</span> Sudden, without
ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon-shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most
affected by it. Dr. Samuel Johnson beautifully said of another author&rsquo;s ideas that they were]
&ldquo;concatenated without abruption.&rdquo;</p>

<p class="entry" id="abscond"><span class="def">abscond,</span> <span class="pos">v.i.</span> To &ldquo;move
in a mysterious way,&rdquo; commonly with the property of another.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">Spring beckons!&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;All things to the call respond;<br />
The trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.</p>
<p class="citepoet">Phela Orm.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry" id="absent"><span class="def">absent,</span> <span class="pos">adj.</span> Peculiarly
exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilifed; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration
and affection of another.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">To men a man is but a mind. Who cares<br />
What face he carries or what form he wears?<br />
But woman&rsquo;s body is the woman. O,<br />
Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go,<br />
But heed the warning words the sage hath said:<br />
A woman absent is a woman dead.<br />
</p>
<p class="citepoet">Jogo Tyree.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">absentee,</span><span class="pos">n.</span> A person
with an <a href="I.html#income">income</a> who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">absolute,</span> <span class="pos">adj.</span> Independent, irresponsible.
An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.
Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the
sovereign&rsquo;s power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are
governed by chance.</p>

<p class="entry" id="abstainer"><span class="def">abstainer,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A weak
person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a <a href="P.html#pleasure">pleasure</a>. A total abstainer is one who abstains
from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">Said a man to a crapulent youth: &ldquo;I thought<br />
<span class="ind1">You a total abstainer, my son.&rdquo;</span><br />
&ldquo;So I am, so I am,&rdquo; said the scrapgrace caught&mdash;<br />
<span class="ind1">&ldquo;But not, sir, a bigoted one.&rdquo;</span></p>
<p class="citepoet">G. J.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">absurdity,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A statement or belief
manifestly inconsistent with one&rsquo;s own opinion.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">academe,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An ancient school where
morality and philosophy were taught.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">academy,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span>
(from academe). A modern school where football is taught.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">accident,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An inevitable
occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">accomplice,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> One associated
with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an <a href="L.html#lawyer">attorney</a> who defends a
criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney&rsquo;s position in the matter has not hitherto
commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">accord,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> Harmony.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">accordion,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An instrument
in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.</p>

<p class="entry" id="accountability"><span class="def">accountability,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The
mother of caution.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">&ldquo;My accountability, bear in mind,&rdquo;<br />
<span class="ind1">Said the Grand Vizier: &ldquo;Yes, yes,&rdquo;</span><br />
Said the Shah: &ldquo;I do&mdash;&rsquo;tis the only kind<br />
<span class="ind1">Of ability you possess.&rdquo;</span></p>
<p class="citepoet">Joram Tate.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">accuse,</span> <span class="pos">v.t.</span> To affirm another&rsquo;s guilt
or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">acephalous,</span> <span class="pos">adj.</span> In the surprising condition of the
Crusader who absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had, unconsciously to him,
passed through his neck, as related by de Joinville.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">achievement,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The death of endeavor
and the birth of disgust.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">acknowledge,</span> <span class="pos">v.t.</span> To confess.
Acknowledgement of one another&rsquo;s faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of
<a href="T.html#truth">truth</a>.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">acquaintance,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A person whom we
know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when
its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is <a href="R.html#rich">rich</a> or
<a href="F.html#famous">famous.</a></p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">actually,</span> <span class="pos">adv.</span> Perhaps; possibly.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">adage,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> Boned wisdom for weak teeth.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">adamant,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A mineral frequently found
beneath a corset. Soluble in solicitate of gold.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">adder,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A species of snake. So called
from its habit of adding <a href="F.html#funeral">funeral</a> outlays to the other expenses of living.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">adherent,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A follower who has not
yet obtained all that he expects to get.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">administration,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An ingenious
abstraction in <a href="P.html#politics">politics</a>, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to
the premier or <a href="P.html#president">president</a>. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging
and dead-catting.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">admiral,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> That part of a war-ship
which does the talking while the figure-head does the thinking.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">admiration,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> Our polite recognition of
another&rsquo;s resemblance to ourselves.</p>

<p class="entry" id="admonition"><span class="def">admonition,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> Gentle
reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">Consigned by way of admonition,<br />
His soul foever to perdition.</p>
<p class="citepoet">Judibras.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">adore,</span> <span class="pos">v.t.</span> To venerate expectantly.</p>

<p class="entry" id="advice"><span class="def">advice,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The smallest
current coin.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">&ldquo;The man was in such deep distress,&rdquo;<br />
Said Tom, &ldquo;that I could do no less<br />
Than give him good advice.&rdquo; Said Jim:<br />
&ldquo;If less could have been done for him<br />
I know you well enough, my son,<br />
To know that&rsquo;s what you would have done.&rdquo;</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">affianced,</span> <span class="pos">pp.</span> Fitted with an
ankle-ring for the ball-and-chain.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">affliction,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An acclimatizing
process preparing the <a href="S.html#soul">soul</a> for another and bitter world.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">African,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A nigger that votes our way.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">age,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> That period of life in which
we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the
enterprise to commit.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">agitator,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A statesman who shakes
the fruit trees of his neighbors&mdash;to dislodge the worms.</p>

<p class="entry" id="aim"><span class="def">aim,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The task we set our wishes to.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">&ldquo;Cheer up! Have you no aim in life?&rdquo;<br />
<span class="ind1">She tenderly inquired.</span><br />
&ldquo;An aim? Well, no, I haven&rsquo;t, wife;<br />
<span class="ind1">The fact is&mdash;I have fired.&rdquo;</span></p>
<p class="citepoet">G. J.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">air,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A nutritious substance supplied by a
bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">alderman,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An ingenious criminal
who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">alien,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An American sovereign
in his probationary state.</p>

<p class="entry" id="allah"><span class="def">Allah,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The Mahometan
Supreme Being, as distinguished from the Christian, Jewish, and so forth.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">Allah&rsquo;s good laws I faithfully have kept,<br />
And ever for the sins of man have wept;<br />
<span class="ind1">And sometimes kneeling in the temple I</span><br />
Have reverently crossed my hands and slept.</p>
<p class="citepoet">Junker Barlow.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry" id="allegiance"><span class="def">allegiance,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> </p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">This thing Allegiance, as I suppose,<br />
Is a ring fitted in the subject&rsquo;s nose,<br />
Whereby that organ is kept rightly pointed<br />
To smell the sweetness of the Lord&rsquo;s anointed.</p>
<p class="citepoet">G. J.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">alliance,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> In international politics,
the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other&rsquo;s pockets that
they cannot separately plunder a third.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">alligator,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The crocodile of
America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.
Herodotus says the Indus is, with one exception, the only river that produces crocodiles, but they
appear to have gone West and grown up with the other rivers. From the notches on his back the
alligator is called a sawrian.</p>

<p class="entry" id="alone"><span class="def">alone,</span> <span class="pos">adj.</span> In bad company.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">In contact, lo! the flint and steel,<br />
By spark and flame, the thought reveal<br />
That he the metal, she the stone,<br />
Had cherished secretly alone.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry" id="altar"><span class="def">altar,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The place whereupon
the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and
cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of
their liberty and peace by a male and a female tool.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">They stood before the altar and supplied<br />
The fire themselves in which their fat was fried.<br />
In vain the sacrifice!&mdash;no god will claim<br />
An offering burnt with an unholy flame.</p>
<p class="citepoet">M. P. Nopput.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">ambidextrous,</span> <span class="pos">adj.</span> Able to pick
with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">ambition,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An overmastering
desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">amnesty,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The state&rsquo;s
magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.</p>

<p class="entry" id="anoint"><span class="def">anoint,</span> <span class="pos">v.t.</span> To grease a
<a href="K.html#king">king</a> or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood,<br />
So pigs to lead the populace are greased good.</p>
<p class="citepoet">Judibras.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">antipathy,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The sentiment
inspired by one&rsquo;s friend&rsquo;s friend.</p>

<p class="entry" id="aphorism"><span class="def">aphorism,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> Predigested wisdom.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">The flabby wine-skin of his brain<br />
Yields to some pathologic strain,<br />
And voids from its unstored abysm<br />
The driblet of an aphorism.</p>
<p class="citepoet">&nbsp;&ldquo;The Mad Philosopher,&rdquo;<span style="font-style: normal"> 1697.</span></p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">apologize,</span> <span class="pos">v.i.</span> To lay the foundation for a future
offence.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">apostate,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A leech who, having
penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient
to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.</p>

<p class="entry" id="apothecary"><span class="def">apothecary,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The
physician&rsquo;s accomplice, undertaker&rsquo;s benefactor and grave worm&rsquo;s provider.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">When Jove sent blessings to all men that are,<br />
And Mercury conveyed them in a jar,<br />
That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth<br />
Disease for the apothecary&rsquo;s health,<br />
Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim:<br />
&ldquo;My deadliest drug shall bear my patron&rsquo;s name!&rdquo;</p>
<p class="citepoet">G. J.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">appeal,</span> <span class="pos">v.t.</span> In <a href="L.html#law">law</a>,
to put the dice into the box for another throw.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">appetite,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An instinct thoughtfully
implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">applause,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The echo of
a <a href="P.html#platitude">platitude</a>.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">April Fool,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The March
<a href="F.html#fool">fool</a> with another month added to his folly.</p>

<p class="entry" id="archbishop"><span class="def">archbishop,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An ecclesiastical
dignitary one point holier than a bishop.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">If I were a jolly archbishop,<br />
On Fridays I&rsquo;d eat all the fish up&mdash;<br />
Salmon and flounders and smelts;<br />
On other days everything else.<br />
</p>
<p class="citepoet">Jodo Rem.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">architect,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> One who drafts a plan
of your <a href="H.html#house">house</a>, and plans a draft of your money.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">ardor,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The quality that distinguishes
love without knowledge.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">arena,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> In politics, an imaginary rat-pit
in which the statesman wrestles with his record.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">aristocracy,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> Government by the
best men. (In this sense the word is obsolete; so is that kind of government.) Fellows that wear downy hats
and clean shirts&mdash;guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">armor,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The kind of clothing worn
by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">arrayed,</span> <span class="pos">pp.</span> Drawn up and given an
orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">arrest,</span> <span class="pos">v.t.</span> Formally to detain one
accused of unusualness.</p>

<p class="quote">God made the world in six days and was arrested on the
seventh.&mdash;<i>The Unauthorized Version</i></p>

<p class="entry" id="arsenic"><span class="def">arsenic,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A kind of
cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">&ldquo;Eat arsenic? Yes, all you get,&rdquo;<br />
<span class="ind1">Consenting, he did speak up;</span><br />
&ldquo;&rsquo;Tis better you should eat it, pet,<br />
<span class="ind1">Than put it in my teacup.&rdquo;</span></p>
<p class="citepoet">Joel Huck.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry" id="art"><span class="def">art,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> This word has no
definition. Its origin is related as follows by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape, S. J.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">One day a wag&mdash;what would the wretch be at?&mdash;<br />
Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT,<br />
And said it was a god&rsquo;s name! Straight arose<br />
Fantastic priests and postulants (with shows,<br />
And mysteries, and mummeries, and hymns,<br />
And disputations dire that lamed their limbs)<br />
To serve his temple and maintain the fires,<br />
Expound the law, manipulate the wires.<br />
Amazed, the populace that rites attend,<br />
Believe whate&rsquo;er they cannot comprehend,<br />
And, inly edified to learn that two<br />
Half-hairs joined so and so (as Art can do)<br />
Have sweeter values and a grace more fit<br />
Than Nature&rsquo;s hairs that never have been split,<br />
Bring cates and wines for sacrificial feasts,<br />
And sell their garments to support the priests.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">artlessness,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A certain engaging
quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring <a href="M.html#male">male</a>,
who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">asperse,</span> <span class="pos">v.t.</span> Maliciously to ascribe
to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.</p>

<p class="entry" id="ass"><span class="def">ass,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A public singer with
a good voice but no ear. In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Washoe Canary, in Dakota, the Senator,
and everywhere the Donkey. The animal is widely and variously celebrated in the literature, <a href="#art">art</a>
and <a href="R.html#religion">religion</a> of every age and country; no other so engages and fires the human
imagination as this noble vertebrate. Indeed, it is doubted by some (Ramasilus, <span xml:lang="la"><i>lib. II.,
De Clem.</i></span>, and C. Stantatus, <span xml:lang="la"><i>De Temperamente</i></span>)
if it is not a god; and as such we know it was worshiped by the Etruscans, and, if we may believe Macrobious,
by the Cupasians also. Of the only two animals admitted into the Mahometan Paradise along with the souls of
men, the ass that carried Balaam is one, the <a href="D.html#dog">dog</a> of the Seven Sleepers the other.
This is no small distinction. From what has been written about this beast might be compiled a library of great
splendor and magnitude, rivalling that of the Shakespearean cult, and that which clusters about the Bible. It
may be said, generally, that all literature is more or less Asinine.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem">&ldquo;Hail, holy Ass!&rdquo;the quiring angels sing;<br />
&ldquo;Priest of Unreason, and of Discords King!&rdquo;<br />
Great co-Creator, let Thy glory shine:<br />
God made all else, the Mule, the Mule is thine!&rdquo;</p>
<p class="citepoet">G. J.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">auctioneer,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The man who proclaims
with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">Australia,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A country lying in the
South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate
dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">avernus,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The lake by which the
ancients entered the infernal regions. The fact that access to the infernal regions was obtained by a lake
is believed by the learned Marcus Ansello Scrutator to have suggested the <a href="C.html#christian">Christian</a>
rite of <a href="B.html#baptism">baptism</a> by immersion. This, however, has been shown by Lactantius to be
an error.</p>

<blockquote>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poem" xml:lang="la"><i>Facilis descensus Averni,</i><br />
<span class="ind1">The poet remarks; and the sense</span><br />
Of it is that when down-hill I turn I<br />
<span class="ind1">Will get more of punches than pence.</span></p>
<p class="citepoet">Jehal Dai Lupe.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>

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